Heh.

Heh. Heheh. Heheheheh. I know I shouldn't laugh, because hey, animal cruelty, but apparently nobody was hurt, and besides I can't help picturing the poor guy's face right when it happened.

I Have A New Job

Today (yesterday, technically) I got my formal offer letter from Bell West Telecom, confirming that I am starting full-time employment there August 8th.

Pay will be roughly what I made last year in real estate, plus a teensy bonus, plus it's predictable and documented. Hours will be less predictable, and the shop is 24/7, but I don't really sleep properly anyway and they're reasonably humane with their scheduling so that hardly matters. Plus I get full-time benefits on day 1, without having to wait out my probationary period. And a discount on my cellphone, which is already Bell. Hee.

Three cheers for Alexander Graham, eh what?

Further Evidence

We all know the world isn't perfect. But I've thought for a long time that it's actually even more messed up than it, you know, OUGHT to be. There is literally no justice.

For example, Marlon Wayans (yeah, I'm not linking him, suck it up) has a major motion picture in worldwide release, making millions of dollars, instead of, say, being buried up to his neck in sand and set on by fire ants. Meanwhile Sarah Silverman (I learned a lot from that article. For instance, did you know there's a "Heeb" magazine?) scrapes by making pilots for TV shows that are invariably cancelled immediately, instad of being a star on the order of Nicole Kidman or Uma Thurman and being blissfully married to, say, me.

Seriously, though. Sarah. If you're reading this. And you should, it's important. You're about one-one-millionth as successful as a sexy, funny actress such as yourself ought to be. You need a new agent or something. Or maybe just wax your mustache a little more carefully. Whatever.

I know spammers are retards, but...

Fine. Spam makes money. We all know this. It has to have some kind of rate-of-return or people wouldn't bother.

But why, WHY, if you're trying to trick me into opening your penny-stock market-manipulation spam, would you make the subject line "Home Web Hosting?" That just screams "THIS IS AN ADVERTISMENT AND YOU SHOULDN'T BOTHER READING IT." And then, when I do open it (because I'm a lonely masochist and I actually look at all my spam) it's not even an ad for home web hosting. That's just beyond retarded.

Drew's Universal Theory of Human Relations +1.*


*Drew's Universal Theory of Human Relations:
"Everyone, everywhere, is completely freaking nuts. No exceptions."

I take it back.

That guy is screwed up. Shows what I know.

Oh yeah.

You know your life is screwed up when you start to think Gregory House must be more fulfilled than you are. Then again, Hugh Laurie's a pretty good actor. I figure if I was played by Hugh Laurie instead of some unknown, I'd be nominated for four Emmys too.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

Two young gay men, with one job between them, no air conditioning and a bad relationship live in the apartment across the road from me. I know this because they fight, loudly and drunkenly, on their balcony at four in the morning about every third Friday night.

Sometimes the light-sleeping bigot downstairs from me joins in the fun, just to make sure nobody gets any rest if he can't.

I haven't called the cops yet, but I really wish the one with a job would just throw the other one out already. 'Cause, you know, there's just really no respect there.

Oh, and:

I understand why spammers use random subject line generators: to get around spam filters. Tragically, they seem to be getting better at disguising themselves, or I've accidentally put my main email address someplace that spammers can see it.

Either way, "groundless anti-Semitic" is a terrible subject line for an advertisement. Unless you're advertising discount Nazi paraphernelia, I guess. And even then your target market would probably object to the "groundless" part.

I'm sure somewhere on the 'net there's an archive of hilarious / bizarre spamject lines.

It Is Too Freaking Hot

It is stupidly hot in my apartment right now. This might be due to the general heat wave, or I may have a fever. Regardless, it has me thinking about global warming. Again. Following is my lengthy explanation of why I don't like the Kyoto Protocol.

The international effort to clamp down on CFC emissions and "save the ozone" provides a sterling example of how the global community can cooperate to protect our one common resource - the planet itself. However, compelling industry to be more careful with CFC's or replace them with alternative coolants is not the same as mandating that industry can't burn things any more. Virtually every viable process that produces commercially-usable energy also produces greenhouse gases. Eliminating or even reducing these energy sources will cause considerable disruption. The economic impact of sudden, sharp increases in the price of energy is well-established. Alternate energy sources are not yet on-line, and research into them is proceeding appallingly slowly. I tend more and more to agree with estimates that it will be easier, cheaper, and generally more worthwhile to pursue technology and policy to deal with the fact of global warming than it will be to stop it from happening. In fact, it's becoming increasingly obvious that we can't stop it, no matter how stringent our energy policy might be. We need to get ready for the inevitable shift in coastlines, water supplies and arable land belts.

Furthermore!

I want to make very clear that I'm in favour of alternate and especially zero-emission energy. Solar and wind power are not taken nearly seriously enough, especially for things like home heating and such. Reducing consumption is also an important factor, and again, one that isn't pursued with nearly enough vigour. What I'm opposed to is an arbitrary cap on global carbon emissions. Or rather, on Western carbon emissions. Africa, India and China have no incentive to reduce emissions, and every incentive to increase them. Kyoto isn't a climate treaty. It's a scam. Surprise! The Protocol, as established by the United Nations, is designed to funnel Western money to the Third World through carbon credit purchases. It's a sure bet that the money those carbon credit sales generate isn't going to get used to develop environmentally sustainable infrastructure in the Third World. It's going to get used to buy solid gold toilets. You may have noticed that the people who are most gung-ho for Kyoto are also the people who are most gung-ho for sending string-free aid packages to the Third world. Shocking, I know.

So, to sum up: energy conservation good; energy research good; steeling ourselves for the consequences of warming, good; paying African kleptocrats for the privilege of lighting our cities, bad.

So I'm Watching "House"...

... and I've got a couple of questions:

1. What does happen when Munchausen's sufferers get sick for real?

2. Why is it called Munchausen's anyway? Didn't Munchausen hate doctors?

Yeah. I'm leading a fun life.

I Think I Have A Problem

My name is Drew, and I watch too much CSI.

In fairness, Jerry Bruckheimer makes far too much CSI, so what does that say about him?

Okay...

I know Alberta is supposed to be "the redneck province" but does that really excuse all the idiots I see driving around with Confederate battle flags as their front license plate?

I can only assume that it means something different to the driver than it does to me. I see one of these things, and all I can think is that it might as well be a sign that says "I don't much care for coloured folks." Is that seriously the message intended? Surely not. Surely it's meant to mean something like "don't tread on me" or "the Federal Government can butt the hell out of my life." Please?

In other news, my brother appears to have a Bacon number. I'm going to assume that it's not the same as mine, which is "infinity," indicating that I cannot be connected through any number of movie appearances to Kevin Bacon. This is because I haven't been in any movies. Presumably His Nibs will leave a comment or something identifying his number and explicating the consequent celeb-chain.

Yup, nasty cold.

It's the worst kind, too. Just enough to make you feel achey and snorfly, but not enough to legitimize staying home from work.

It does, however, prevent me from enjoying anything fun.

Grr.