Sunday, January 28, 2007

What Is The Past Tense Of "Emit?"

Seriously. Is it "emitted?" "Emat?" Those both look horribly wrong. I guess I could use circumlocution to evade the issue... "began to emit," "continued to emit," "used to emit." Yeah, I guess that's my only option.

Man. Having a preternaturally gargantuan vocabulary is difficult some days.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

In My Humble Opinion

The worst part of living alone is having no one to blame when your ice trays are empty.

Monday, January 08, 2007

They're Taking Over

"Hi, I need to report a problem with a phone."

"Sure, what's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just have this note that says 'call Bell to report problem with phone.' Do you need to know more than that?"

"Er, yes."

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Where's Newton When You Need Him?

There is an interesting Greek myth, that goes like this:

"There was a king, or a warrior, or other such hero, who was curious what it might be like to meet the gods. So, being a hero, he braved the harrowing climb and crossed the impassable reaches of Mount Olympus until he was within sight of their sacred home. As he arrived, the scent of ambrosia, the food of the gods, wafted down to him from above. Overcome by the heavenly aroma, he swooned into a stupor. Knowing that to continue his ascent in this state would almost certainly result in a fatal fall, he abandoned his visit and descended, comforted by the knowledge that no other mortal had ever been so close.

"When he arrived home tired and hungry after his ordeal, his loving family presented him with a feast, prepared in his honor as the champion of Olympus. As he ate, however, he realized that the scent of the ambrosia had poisoned his nostrils. Of all the magnificent morsels placed before him, none could come close to that untasted delight. Everything was as ash and dust.

"Robbed of the ability to desire mortal food, he starved. The once-mighty hero wasted away and died a broken, empty husk, still dreaming of the ambrosia he had never even glimpsed."

Or maybe there isn't. But there probably should be.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Irony In Action

I like long sentences. I like big words. Maybe that's why I don't like Hemingway.